pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
