Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
