So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
