you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
