I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
this boner is exhausting
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
