mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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