im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
