I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
