You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
