i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
