Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
