He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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