Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
