Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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