The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
