Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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