I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
