I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
