people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
