At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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