so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize