K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize