just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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