Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
