i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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