Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
