Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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