im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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