And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
