Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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