bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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