Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
