we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize