oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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