He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Don't make out with my wife yet
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
