Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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