I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just invented taco cereal.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
