Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
