Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
