Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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