just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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