I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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