I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
