Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
