I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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