I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Bring me that man meat
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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