goodnight i made you a song goodbye
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
