god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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