i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
