I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
