well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
