I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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