I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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