Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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