He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
