smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
