all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
