I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
