i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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