Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
