She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Are we still banned from the library?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
