I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
