Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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