i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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