On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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