the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize